approx. 2 min reading time
I’m the parent of a trans kid and I’m scared. Are you? My child came out to me when she was 12 and since then I’ve generally managed being the parent of a trans kid pretty well. We supported her in all of her choices around healthcare and presentation. We bought her makeup and all the pastel clothes she could desire. We told the school about her new name and pronouns and made sure they used them. Now, I don’t know how to protect her.
I don’t know about you but I’m worried about what having an anti-trans government could do to my daughter. Will she not have access to trans affirming healthcare? Will she not be able to get married? To have children? Will they move to demand trans children use the gender designations that they were assigned at birth in public schools or in public life? She already avoids using the bathroom when she’s not at home. What will happen in a world where the worst sort of bullies are empowered to attack those who are less powerful than them?
The most important thing for us to do as parents is to regulate our own nervous systems so we can help our children regulate theirs. This means that if we are panicking, we need to take our anxieties to partners, friends, community, therapists, or whoever else can help us calm down. This is so that when it comes time to sit with our children and talk about this, we don’t make them more scared and upset. We at the Pincus Center can be here to listen or refer you to support groups or provide comfort, as many of the people on staff are trans or parents of trans children ourselves.
I wish I had bulletproof answers to keep our families and ourselves physically safe, but I do have some ideas, many of which have been suggested to me by trans activists and friends:
- Get their name changed legally as soon as possible
- Update their birth certificate and passport after the name is changed
- Get any gender affirming surgeries as soon as possible
- Seek out gender affirming therapists for our children, who are already going through trauma just from the election
- Consider moving to blue areas that are more trans friendly
- Locate public school systems or private schools that are more trans affirming and consider moving there or enrolling your child in a school that will honor their identity
Make sure your children have access to these resources in case they have a sudden decline in mental health:
The Trevor Project
Trans Lifeline
The LGBT National Hotline
The LGBT National Youth Talkline
Here at The Pincus Center we will continue to hold to our values of acceptance and inclusion. We’re here for you.