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“Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge.” Alice Walker

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13 Reasons Why You Need a Dating Coach

5 minute reading time

For many of us, our intimate romantic and/or sexual relationships are some of the most important in our lives. Many of us long to get married, to “nest” with one or more partners, or just to have someone(s) special who loves us wildly. And yet, the idea of going out into the world to try to find those people by (gasp) DATING is…well, scary!

Much the way that most of us never got the kind of sex education that actually teaches us to have satisfying and healthy sex lives, it’s even rarer for us to be taught anything about dating or starting relationships. There’s no “Dating Education” in high school health class (and can you imagine how cringe-worthy it would have been, anyway?) and our parents didn’t expect their awkward “birds and bees” talks to include anything about the parts of relationships that happen outside the bedroom.

Instead, we were left on our own to cobble together some savvy from magazine articles, love scenes in movies, the advice of friends or family, and our own trial and error. Some people do manage to make it work, but what about the rest of us who feel like we got thrown in the deep end and are splashing around trying not to drown? Do we just have to hope for the love equivalent of a lottery win?

Of course not! It’s never too late to invest the time and effort in learning how to meet people, how to date, and how to be a great partner. If you’re wishing you had some structure and support in how to do those things, you’re in luck—our resident coach, Rev. Jenellen Fischer, has expanded her services to offer dating coaching.

It’s something that she found herself doing with some of her breathwork and embodiment clients, and something she did as part of her work prior to joining The Pincus Center, so it was a natural expansion. Many of our clients and class participants are already coming to us eager to have a happier and more fulfilling love life, and we’re thrilled to be able to offer this kind of practical, affirming support to them and to others who feel lost when it comes to “getting out there”.

Wondering what dating coaching has to offer you? Here’s 13 reasons why spending dedicated time and care on your dating skills and yourself with Rev. Jenellen can level up your love life:

1. “The dating journey is a journey of personal growth.” Rev. Jenellen’s philosophy is that in order to work on your dating life, you need to work on yourself—and that puts you on the path to a more joyful and satisfying life in general. You’re going to come away with a personal win no matter what. (And “working on yourself” doesn’t mean you have to be “perfect” before you date– it’s more a process of knowing yourself better and constantly growing.)

2. You’ll learn how to get out of your own way. Your coaching sessions will help you find your blind spots, obstacles, fears, and stealthy self-sabotage…and clear them from your path.

3. There’s always more to learn about how to be a great partner to someone. Hint: it’s not about being thin, cisgender, mainstream “hot”, wealthy, or neurotypical. Discover how much you have to offer, how to make the most of it, and how to build the skills that enable you to be someone’s safe space, lover, trusted confidante, and partner in life.

4. You’ll have expert support for those practical, tangible steps that can feel so overwhelming—learn to write a great dating profile, message someone for the first time (and up your odds for a response!), and survive the terrifying first date.

5. If you’re interested in exploring a community that has its own norms, social circles, and unwritten rules, such as BDSM or polyamory or the queer community, Rev. Jenellen can help you understand how to make your way into it and build a great reputation there.

6. It’s not just about someone being willing to date you—YOU need to know if someone is a good fit and will treat you well. Learn what to look for and what to avoid in a potential partner.

7. If you’re neurodivergent, you might have some struggles with our society’s neurotypical expectations for dating. Rev. Jenellen is experienced in helping ND folks manage those struggles and make connections without trying to force you into a more neurotypical mold.

8. Where do you meet people to date? Increase your chances of finding the people who are right for you by spending time in your sessions identifying the best places for you to look for potential partners—and then making time to go there!

9. Do you know what you want, or are you stuck hanging your hopes on literally anyone who shows interest? Get clarity on what qualities really matter to you in a partner as well as what are your sexual interests and dreams and goals for your love life.

10. Are you confident that you can keep yourself and your partner(s) safe? Your coaching sessions will help you make a plan to protect your sexual health, to ensure your personal safety on dates, to identify toxic situations early on, and to set and maintain healthy boundaries.

11. Get good information when you’re provided with articles, apps, and other resources that Rev. Jenellen has vetted and that she recommends for your specific needs.

12. Practice, practice, practice! You’ll have shame-free, private time to practice or roleplay things that make you anxious, like consent negotiations or first-date conversations.

13. Whatever your big-picture goals are, you’re not wrong to have them—but you’ll learn how not to waste yours or your potential partner’s time when you want different things. Whether you want marriage, domestic partnership, relationship anarchy, solo polyamory, or anything else, you can learn when and how to communicate that so that you match with people who have similar goals.

Are you ready to transform your love life—and yourself? Check out our previous post about her coaching services to get an idea what to expect from your sessions, how long you’ll work together, and what happens in between sessions. Then, reach out to Rev. Jenellen to talk about setting up an initial coaching session and ask any other questions you might have. You’ll find it’s one of the best investments you’ve ever made in your own happiness.

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